KC's Deep Fried Turkey

Ingredients

• 1 Bowl of sliced butter
• 1 Bowl of cracked black pepper
• 1 Bowl of sea salt
• 1 15 pound turkey
• 4 1/2 Gallons of peanut oil
• 1 40-60 quart metal pot
• 1 metal cage basket
• Propane tank and burner
• 1 Candy thermometer
• A backyard incase things get "fucky"
• 1 Metal close hanger
• 1 Large thick rubber glove

Directions

1. Lets start by getting that pasty looking turkey tasting good! With your hands, get all the shit out of the inside, that means the neck and all that other weird shit that some people with no class eat. Next, with your fingers, separate the skin from the body doing slow slowly so that the skin doesn't break. In this massive separation, insert slices of butter and pinches of black pepper and sea salt. This whole process is kinda winging it in terms of how much seasoning to use but just keep at it until tired. Next, cover the cavity and outside of the turkey with a dry rub of the salt and pepper.
2. Let that carcass chill the fridge for a while, during which, you can drink a 32 oz. Cobra to calm your nerves.
3. Remove the metal cage from the pot and fill the pot with the oil. Anywhere between 4 and 5 gallons of either peanut or corn oil will suffice. Heat the oil until it is at 325 degrees and no higher than 350 using the candy thermometer. This'll take about 25 minutes.
4. Once the oil is heated, cram the turkey into the bottom of the basket. Now you have to get creative. Because frying a turkey is kind of a random thing and not that ordinary, it's retarded to me to buy and fancy lowering kit and hook. Fuck that. Get a metal wire or close hanger and make a fat hook yourself like a man. Using your fashioned device, SLOWLY lower the cage into the bubbling oil. This part is actually kind of scary. Because your arm is held at an awkward position, you should have a spotter, like the old man to hold your arm up while you lower it. If you didn't already think about it, of course this has to be done outside dumbass. That oil will set so much shit on fire. ***Heated oil reacts violently with water, so make sure your turkey is dry, hence the "dry rub" and time to hang out in the fridge.***
5. Once your turkey is completely submerged and it's all good looking, let her fry! It takes about 3 minutes per pound to cook so you do the math. The inner breast should be 170 degrees.

*TIPS*

= If your turkey is black or burnt looking when removed, don't freak out. The inner meat is still AWESOME tasting.

= When removing the turkey, remember, there's going to be a lot of hot oil in the cavity so keep that in mind.

= Don't ever let anyone who hasn't deep fried a turkey think they're better than you. They're clearly not because they're pussies and could never do it.